there has been a murder.
it is with great pain that i report the death of my eyebrows. they were savagely butchered yesterday when i carelessly trusted them to a threader other than my guru. it’s my fault. i wasn’t thinking, and now they’re dead because of it. uneven, improperly arched and shockingly thin. i could pretend that i was forced or drunk or even just feeling particularly vulnerable, but i won’t. i cheated on my guru and death ensued. let this be a lesson to us all.
(this is a dramatization and not my actual face.)
there will be a webinar style wake, invitation only, as i’m only accepting close friends and family during this trying time. everyone else, we ask that you keep my regrowth and the regrowth of that non-listening, murderous woman’s future victims in your thoughts and prayers.
(this is a dramatization and not my actual face.)
rest in peace, dear eyebrows. you were rocking the perfectly manicured thickness well before Lilly Collins made it cool. thank you for years of consistent compliments, saving all close-up photos, and keeping my face warm during those nyc winters. you are deeply missed.
